We’ve all been there. There’s a million things to do and absolutely nothing is going smoothly. The kids are screaming, there’s stains on your shirt, you can’t find your shoes, and your boss just sent you the most annoying message. You just want to SCREAM. But, you can’t because the kids are there or you’re at work or in public. But, you need to get those feelings out or else you might say or do something you’ll regret later. Let’s talk about some essential knowledge and strategies for keeping your cool when things are at their most uncool.
Anger gets in the way of everything
Okay, maybe not everything. But anger, while a necessary emotion, is often the determining factor for whether or not a situation gets handled well or poorly. Have you ever said or done something while you were angry that made you face-palm and wonder what the heck you were thinking later? Yeah, me too! When we feel anger, our brains stop working as they should. Studies show that cognitive ability decreases when anger increases. Which explains why you thought it was a good idea to shout mean things when you were angry. You didn’t have access to the reasoning abilities that you normally do. Anger is also experienced physically for most people- some clench their fists, some feel their face get red, some angry cry. Whatever it is, it’s often a body and brain experience.
We can’t avoid feeling angry
If we could all just not feel angry, I wouldn’t be writing this post! I often hear people say “I just need to not get angry” or “next time, I just will stop myself from getting angry”. My first question is always “how?” How do you stop yourself from getting angry when something objectively angering happens? It’s not unreasonable to be angry if someone calls you a name or cuts you off in traffic. Or if the kids are having one of those days where everything has to be complicated. All of that is objectively angering! Which means you should feel angry. So, it’s not about trying to not feel angry. It’s really about trying to find better ways to express and cope with our anger. Let’s talk about some easy to use strategies. And, I should note, that if anger is a big issue in your life, you should talk to your therapist or find a therapist because there may be some big things underlying that anger.
Ways to manage anger and keep your cool
Keeping anger in check can be really challenging. But, we don’t need to make it harder on ourselves by trying to not feel anger at all! Let it be okay to be angry and find strategies to manage it that work for you! And, as always, talk to your therapist about anger if it’s something you’re dealing with!
Written By,
Alyssa Onan, LPC
www.cuttingedge-therapy.com