Navigating Loss

Ally Bremer
2 days ago
4 min read

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that grief does not follow the rules. There’s no neat timeline. No “correct” way to feel. No perfect words to say. Whether it's a five-year-old who just lost their pet, a teenager grappling with the death of a grandparent, or a parent struggling through the loss of a partner, grief shows up differently, unpredictably, and often loudly. Grief isn't just sadness. It is a whole-body, whole-brain, whole-heart experience. It can also look like:

● Anger

● Confusion

● Guilt

● Numbness

● Forgetfulness

● Laughing at strange times

● Sleeping too much, or not at all

● Needing people close, or needing space

Sometimes grief sneaks in days or weeks after a loss. Other times, it hits like a wave at the grocery store years later because you saw their favorite cereal. That’s normal. Not fun, not easy, but normal. Kids may grieve differently than adults. They might experience grief in spurts. One minute they’re crying, the next they’re playing with Legos like nothing happened. This doesn't mean they’re “over it,” it’s just how their brains and hearts process emotion. They take breaks from grief because they need to.Other ways grief might show up in kids is:

● Tantrums

● Physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches

● Asking the same questions repeatedly

● Acting out at school or home

● Bedwetting

● Increased fears or clinginess

As adults, it can be hard to know how to respond. Just know that consistency, safety, and honesty go a long way. Grief isn’t something to fix. It’s something to tend to. And the way we do that can look different depending on our age and understanding, but there are some tips that may help.

1. Tell the Truth (In an Age-Appropriate Way)- I get it. We want to protect our kids from pain. But sugarcoating or avoiding the truth can create confusion and mistrust. Saying things like

“Grandpa went to sleep and didn’t wake up” might seem gentler, but can actually cause fear around sleep.Instead, use clear, gentle language:

● “Grandpa died. That means his body stopped working and he won’t be coming back.”

● “I feel really sad about it, too. We can talk about him anytime.”

Honest conversations build trust and give kids permission to share their own feelings.

2. Model Your Emotions- If you’re grieving, let your child see that. Crying in front of them and saying, “I’m feeling really sad right now because I miss Grandma” is not weakness, it’s modeling healthy grief. It teaches kids that feelings are okay, even big ones.

3. Make Space for Memories- Grief doesn’t mean forgetting. In fact, remembering helps healing. Create rituals or spaces to honor the person who’s gone:

● Light a candle on birthdays

● Make a memory box

● Share stories at dinner

● Draw pictures or write letters to the person

These acts help both adults and children feel connected, even in loss.

4. Stick to Routines (When You Can) - Grief can feel like the ground has shifted beneath you. For kids especially, routines offer safety. Keep mealtimes, bedtime, and other predictable rhythms going when possible. That doesn’t mean life is “normal,” but it gives a framework to hold everything else.

5. Answer the Same Questions Again (and Again)- Kids process grief slowly and in layers. They may ask, “Where did she go?” or “Why did he die?” over and over. Not because they forgot, but because they’re trying to understand. Patience here is key. Repetition is part of healing.

6. Let Go of the Timeline - There’s no finish line for grief. Some days will feel okay. Others will be brutal. Kids might seem fine for weeks, then burst into tears during a math test.

Adults might function perfectly at work, then fall apart during a movie. Grief isn’t linear. It loops. It’s okay to revisit it, even years later.

Sometimes grief gets tangled up with depression, anxiety, or trauma. If you or your child are struggling with:

● Persistent trouble sleeping or eating

● Withdrawing from friends or activities

● Intense guilt or hopelessness

● Talk of wanting to die or not exist

● Behavior that feels unsafe or unmanageable

…it’s a good time to reach out. The therapists here at Cutting Edge Counseling are here to walk alongside you and help you carry the weight. There are also grief support groups for all ages that can be incredibly powerful, especially for kids and teens who feel alone in their experience.

Grief is messy and painful. It shows how deeply we cared. And while we can’t make that pain vanish, we can find ways to honor the love behind it, through connection, memory, and compassion. Whether you're a grieving parent, a child trying to understand what “forever” means, or someone simply doing their best to hold it all together, you are not alone. There is no wrong way to grieve. Just your way. And that’s enough.