For this blog post, I want to share a more personal story. Many therapists choose to keep their personal life private, but I believe that sharing my experience as a military kid could resonate with families facing similar challenges. My hope is that, by opening up about my story, I can provide both connection and support. While every family’s experience is different, I’ll also be sharing some strategies that helped my family navigate deployments, drill weekends, and long separations.
My Story:
Growing up, I often heard the term “military brat”, but I never quite identified with it. To me, it described kids who moved frequently… and while my Mom and Dad both served in the U.S. Army for over 30 years, I was lucky to stay in one place. My childhood was shaped by the military in other ways: weekends at grandma’s while my parents had drill, shooting hoops on base when childcare wasn’t available, and having everyone at basketball games stand and clap for my parents when they came in uniform.
Having military parents taught me resilience, independence, and hard work. However, it also came with challenges. When I was in kindergarten, my dad deployed for a year. I don’t remember much because I was so young, just phone calls to him on our landline and being so tired when I needed to wake up early to go to a friend’s house before school so my mom could get to work. In third grade, my mom deployed to Iraq for a year. It felt like just another normal part of life for me… I sent care packages with twizzlers (my mom’s favorite) and answered my classmate’s concerned questions without really understanding the weight of it all.
During those times, my family leaned on structure, clear expectations, and community support to get through. In the next section of this post, I’ll share more about these strategies and how they might help your family too.
Structure:
Any day with kids can feel chaotic, but my parents found that sticking to a structured routine helped bring a sense of stability (for them and for my brother and me). A consistent schedule meant that we all knew what to expect each day, which made things feel more manageable, especially during deployments. Here is an example of what our daily school schedule looked like:
Mondays: Daycare before school → school → Dad picks us up from school → homework → playing with friends → dinner → bedtime
Tuesdays: Daycare before school → school → grandma picks us up from school → homework → dinner → bedtimes.
And so on…
Summers brought even more unpredictability. To keep things structured, my dad enrolled us in summer school. I was lucky to grow up in a safe, small town, so I had plenty of freedom to play outside, ride bikes with friends, or play kickball. On most days, my grandma or babysitter would take my brother and me to the city pool, where we would literally spend the entire day swimming. When childcare wasn’t an option, my dad brought us to his job, where my brother and I would entertain ourselves in the breakroom with games. What really counted to me as a kid, was how fun and exciting everyone had made the routines.
For example, every Tuesday, my grandma watched us while my dad was stuck in meetings all day. To make it something to look forward to, we called it Taco Tuesdays! My grandma would make us Tacos every Tuesday night for dinner! It was a small tradition, but it gave us something to be excited about.
Another fun tradition that we had was counting down to my mom’s return from deployment. Some families mark off the days or weeks, but we counted in “Fish Fry Fridays”. If you are not familiar, many restaurants offer fish fry specials on Fridays, but I usually got the chicken tenders. It became a ritual for our family. My Dad would take my brother and me to the local American Legion, where we’d play cards and chat with the community members. Everyone in the community joined in on our countdown often asking “how many fish fries until Mom comes home?”. It gave my brother and I a sense of control and a visual way to track time. This is something that I would recommend for every family who is going through a deployment because it is something that can be both fun and helpful for younger kids waiting for a parent to return.
Expectations:
During my mom’s deployment, my dad made sure that my brother and I had clear expectations: do well in school and help out around the house. This was when I learned how to do laundry, vacuum, mop, and take out the trash. My dad also made sure that my brother and I worked together to get chores done. With only one parent at home, our help made a huge difference. In the long run, it also taught us responsibility and integrity (even if I still hate doing laundry today!). Having clear expectations gave us structure and helped us feel in control of what was going on around us.
Community Support:
The biggest source of support for our family during deployments was our community. Friends, neighbors, and extended family all stepped up in different ways. Some helped with childcare, others sent care packages, and many sent letters to my mom. I remember times when my parents had unexpected work emergencies and our neighbors would babysit us last minute. My extended family also helped out in many ways. They were always there to offer support in many different ways when needed. While not many people in the community understood what it was like to have a deployed parent, I always knew that I had people to lean on when I needed to talk.
At Cutting Edge Counseling of the North Shore, we're proud to offer our services to clients in Northbrook and the surrounding communities, including Glenview, Deerfield, Highland Park, Wheeling, Northfield, Glencoe, Winnetka, Buffalo Grove, Riverwoods, Lincolnshire, Prospect Heights, Vernon Hills, Mount Prospect, Arlington Heights, and Des Plaines. Our commitment is to provide personalized and effective therapy to help you achieve your goals.
Written By,
Jordan Adamson, LPC
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