Solving Screen Time Headaches Part II

Welcome back! If you’re reading this, I hope you’ve already read the first part of this blog in which we explore common concerns related to screen time. If you haven’t read that, I recommend heading back to that one first! Let’s talk about the common recommendations I give parents to assist with screen time.

What can we do?!

As we all know, technology isn’t going anywhere— we have to accept that it’s got a role in schools, homes, and everything else! BUT, just because it’s here to stay, doesn’t mean it has to take over. Here are some of the go-to recommendations I give parents:

•    Set limits

Okay, you’re probably rolling your eyes reading this recommendation because, duh! Most parents I work with already have limits set and expectations listed for screen time use. The issues come when the limits aren’t followed or there’s pushback. Remember, kids are always going to test limits and see what they can get away with- we all did it growing up and all generations of kids to come will continue to do it. Setting the limits is only one part of the equation- but it’s an important one. Every family’s needs and expectations are different so setting the rules and expectations that work for your family is what’s most important.

•    Enforce limits and consequences consistently

This is part 2 of the limit setting process- and the part I see most people getting tripped up with. The limits and expectations don’t mean anything if they aren’t enforced. A lot more people would probably disregard rules if there wasn’t at least a good chance they’d get in trouble. If expectations aren’t enforced and consequences aren’t given for rule-breaking, kids start to see limits and expectations as optional. And, while it is never fun or easy to deliver a consequence, it can often be harder when consequences are a surprise because the expectation isn’t typically enforced so it feels unfair to a child to get in trouble for something that they’ve gotten away with 100 times before. As with many things in parenting and life, consistency is key! If you don’t think you’ll be able to enforce the expectation or actually deliver the consequence, it might be beneficial to rethink your plan!

•    Use real-world examples including real-world consequences

I’m sure you’ve heard your child say “but why?” When you set limits or tell them that it isn’t wise to spend all their free time on screens. Even if they can’t fully grasp the future and the skills they’ll need as they grow into adulthood, it can be very helpful to discuss real-world examples of how over-indulging with games and screens can have negative effects on people’s lives. Discussing responsibility and prioritization can be helpful lessons for kids. For example, if your child misses several assignments because they were playing video games, their grades will likely suffer. Other parts of their lives will suffer in the future if they aren’t able to learn skills to moderate and limit their usage. Explaining why it’s important and how it translates to their futures can be very helpful. A word of note: this is definitely a conversation where it is important to consider age and using age appropriate language and examples.

•    Collaborate with other friends and family members

Okay, this idea didn’t come from me. Jonathan Haidt, a clinical psychologist, recommends that parents collaborate with other parents from their kid’s friend groups to come up with similar guidelines and expectations. He recently wrote a book called The Anxious Generation and he discusses the impacts of phones and technology on the experience of growing up and building independence. He has a lot of ideas, but I love recommending this one to parents. His logic is that if some or most of your child’s close friends have the same or similar rules regarding phones, social media, and technology, it will be easier for kids to accept those rules because they won’t feel like they’re missing out quite as much. I know we can’t force everyone to follow the same structures and rules as every family is different, but it can go a long way to even be able to identify one or two of your child’s friends who don’t have social media or who can’t play unlimited video games.

•    Be patient

As with everything related to being a parent, patience is key. These are expectations and reminders that you’ll set and repeat a TON of times, and it can be very easy to feel that you’re doing something wrong or worried that you’re raising a child who won’t follow rules. While self-reflection and keeping tabs to stay ahead of any potential major issues are important, most of the families I work with experience stages and phases in which things get harder and then they get easier. This is my reminder to you that you’re doing great and it doesn’t mean you’re messing up on the parenting front if there are arguments or limit pushing!!

While screens and technology are here to stay, they don’t have to rule our lives- and they certainly don’t have to rule our children’s lives. I hope my thoughts in this blog are helpful!

Written By,

Alyssa Onan, LPC

www.cuttingedge-therapy.com