Tips for Making New Friends: Middle and Highschool

Ally Bremer
Oct 1
4 min read

Making friends can be difficult at any age! During middle school and high school, however, it can sometimes feel impossible. Many friends groups may seem like they’ve already solidified and won’t change. You might find yourself paralyzed with fear, thinking that no one will want to get to know you. I’m here to tell you that this is not true!

Though it may feel impossible, making friends is something that you can absolutely work towards. Friendships often develop slowly, with small conversations and shared moments over time. In this blog post, I will discuss tips to help you boost your confidence, explore your interests, and put yourself in situations where new friendships can grow.

Tip #1: Be yourself!

This may be the most important tip of all. In middle school and high school, there is so huge pressure to change who you are to fit in. Maybe that looks like buying the newest pair of shoes that everyone is wearing, following certain celebrities online, or even talking certain ways.

If you want to build a lasting friendship, it is important to stay true to who you are! Friendships built on pretending rarely last long, but friendships built on authenticity start and grow strong over time. Stay strong in what you genuinely enjoy! Whether that is what kind of music that you like, what clothes you like to wear, and what kinds of things you like to do! It is okay to explore new things. Be sure to check-in with yourself to determine if you truly like these things (“Do I really like these things or am I just doing it because I feel pressure?).

Being genuine also makes it easier to connect with others. If you give someone a compliment, mean it! If you ask someone about their hobbies, listen and be interested! People gravitate towards people who are sincere and like the same things that they like.

Tip #2: Find things that you like to do!

Another great step is to figure out what activities you enjoy and look for opportunities to join in. Do you like reading, sports, board games, or music? School usually offer a number of different opportunities for joining clubs and extracurriculars. This is a great way to meet new people who already have a shared interest. Plus, you’ll naturally spend time together at practices, meetings, or rehearsals, which can make starting conversations feel less intimidating.

It may be equally important for you to attend school events, even if they seem a little out of your comfort zone. Things like sports games, assemblies, dances, or even fundraisers are all opportunities to meet new people or strengthen connections you have already made.

Tip #3: Ask questions and always say hi!

When getting to know someone, asking questions is an easy and friendly way to get to know them. Try to ask “open-ended” questions. This means that the questions that you asked leaves room for the other person to respond with more than just a “yes or no” answer. It can be helpful to ask questions based on your shared environment. Here are some other examples of open ended questions to ask others. These questions can be a great way to open the door for more friendly and personal conversations.

“What did you think about the last assignment?”

“Did you understand what the instructions were for this project?”

“What got you interested in sports?”

“How do you balance homework and practice?”

A great way to let people know that you are friendly is to just say hi! Making eye contact, smiling, and greeting people shows others that you are friendly and approachable. Even if you don’t have a full conversation with them, you are still making a connection, and that is worth celebrating! Over time, they build comfort and familiarity, which can grow into a friendship. If you feel like it, you can even ask people for their snapchats or follow them on other social media platforms to stay in touch.

Tip #4: Remind yourself that you can do it!

Another tip is to remain confident! You might have a number of negative thoughts while trying to make friends such as:

- They think I’m weird.

- No one is ever going to want to be my friend.

- I’ll never be invited into their friend group.

- I can’t just go up to them and start talking.

- What if they laugh at me?

- What if they bully me?

- Everyone is going to know that I have no friends.

Even though these thoughts may feel very real, they are not facts! Remind yourself that you are strong and capable of doing difficult things. The worst thing that can happen is that someone doesn’t respond the way you had hoped. Remember to be patient. Making friends takes time, so don’t be disappointed if it doesn't happen immediately.

Tips for Parents:

If your child is trying to make new friends, here are some things that you might be able to do to support them.

1.) Gently encourage them to join different clubs or activities. They may need some assistance to know what clubs are available and how to sign up.

2.) Listen to them. Making friends is hard and it can be easy to give a lot of advice. This might be overwhelming! It is okay to ask your kid if they would like you to listen or if they would like advice, and then honor their choice.

3.) If needed, it might be helpful to brainstorm different conversation starters. It might even be helpful to practice different social situations at home.