Understanding the Wounds of Bullying

Bullying is not just a childhood rite of passage, it's a deeply harmful experience that can leave lasting emotional, psychological, and social scars. For children and adolescents, being targeted by peers can reshape how they view themselves, how they trust others, and how they navigate the world around them. Children often walk around carrying invisible wounds from repeated bullying. Whether it’s verbal taunts, physical intimidation, social exclusion, or digital harassment, the impact can be profound and long-lasting.

For many young people, bullying triggers an overwhelming sense of isolation and fear. It’s not just about the cruel words or physical actions, it's the message underneath: “You don't belong.” “You're not safe.” Children who are bullied often internalize these messages, leading to diminished self-worth, anxiety, depression, and even self-harming behaviors. Sleep disturbances, school refusal, somatic complaints (like stomachaches or headaches), and declining academic performance are common responses. What can be even more damaging is when a child feels unheard or dismissed. Phrases like “It’s just kids being kids” or “Toughen up” can reinforce shame and silence, making it less likely for the child to reach out again.

Not every child will speak openly about being bullied. In fact, many remain silent out of fear of retaliation, embarrassment, or a belief that nothing will change. Adults, especially caregivers and educators, need to stay attuned to subtle shifts in behavior that might indicate something deeper is going on. Common signs of bullying include:

• Avoiding school or social situations

• Sudden changes in mood or behavior

• Unexplained injuries or damaged belongings

• Withdrawing from friends or family

• Changes in eating or sleeping patterns

• Frequent complaints of illness with no clear cause

When these signs appear, it's essential to approach the child with curiosity and compassion rather than assumptions or pressure. Children who have experienced bullying need more than advice. They need validation, protection, and ongoing support. Below are some tips for how you can help.

1. Safety First: Creating a sense of safety is the first step. Whether it’s addressing the issue at school, setting up boundaries online, or removing the child from harmful environments, action matters. Children need to see that adults will step in and advocate on their behalf.

2. Listening Without Judgment: Open-ended, gentle questions like “Have things felt different at school lately?”can create opportunities for a child to share at their own pace. Active listening, without rushing to fix or minimize, helps children feel seen and valued.

3. Normalizing Their Feelings: Shame thrives in secrecy. When children learn that it’s okay to feel hurt, angry, scared, or confused about being bullied, it reduces the burden they carry. Statements like, “What happened to you is not your fault,” or “It’s okay to feel upset, anyone would,” go a long way.

4. Empowerment Through Skills: While no child is responsible for being bullied, learning how to assert boundaries, seek help, and build resilience can be empowering. Social-emotional learning, role-playing scenarios, and confidence-building exercises all contribute to a child’s sense of agency.

5. Involving the Support System: Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Involving caregivers, school personnel, and other professionals when needed ensures a more consistent and effective response. Open communication and collaboration are vital to changing the child’s environment and supporting their recovery. The effects of bullying can last long after the behavior stops. Children may carry trust issues, self-esteem struggles, or anxiety into adolescence and adulthood. That’s why early intervention and continued support are so critical. Therapeutic support can help children process their experiences in a safe, structured way. Therapy often focuses on rebuilding self-esteem, managing emotions, strengthening relationships, and rewriting harmful internal narratives developed during the bullying experience.

Resilience is not about “bouncing back” instantly. It’s about learning to move forward with strength and self-awareness, even after painful experiences. With consistent care, children can and do recover, often becoming more empathetic, self-aware, and emotionally intelligent as a result. One of the most powerful predictors of how a child copes with bullying is the response of the adults in their life. When parents, teachers, and caregivers take bullying seriously, respond with empathy, and advocate for the child, it communicates: “You matter. You're not alone.” Every child deserves to grow up feeling safe, accepted, and valued. By recognizing the seriousness of bullying and responding with compassion and commitment, communities can begin to break the cycle of harm and build a culture of kindness and accountability.

Written By,

Tierney Puig, LPC

www.cuttingedge-therapy.com