Anger is a natural and healthy emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives, and children are no exception. However, managing anger can be a challenge, especially for younger children who may not have developed the emotional skills to cope effectively. Anger in children is often misunderstood. It’s frequently seen as disruptive or "bad behavior," but anger is actually a normal emotion that signals something isn’t right. Just like sadness, fear, or joy, anger communicates that a boundary has been crossed, a need is unmet, or an expectation has been violated. For children, this might manifest as feeling misunderstood, feeling powerless, or not getting what they want. Children are still developing emotional regulation skills. They may not have the language or awareness to fully articulate why they’re upset, which can lead to outbursts like temper tantrums, hitting, or even withdrawal. When anger is not managed appropriately, it can quickly become overwhelming for both the child and the people around them. Teaching children how to manage anger is essential because unchecked anger can lead to ongoing behavioral problems, strained relationships, and difficulty in school or social settings. By addressing anger early, we help children avoid long-term emotional difficulties. Anger that is not addressed appropriately may also escalate into more intense emotions and behaviors like aggression, which can negatively affect their mental health in the future. Learning how to manage anger teaches children valuable life skills like self-control, problem-solving, and empathy.
Below are some strategies that can help children manage anger when it arises:
Normalize the Emotion: It’s important that they understand that everyone gets angry and that it’s not a "bad" emotion. Anger is simply information about how we feel in certain situations. I encourage kids to talk openly about anger and to view it as a signal, not something to be ashamed of. This reduces the fear of anger and helps them become more comfortable expressing their feelings.
Model Calm Responses: Children are highly perceptive of adult emotions and behaviors, and they learn by watching how we respond to frustration. If adults model calmness and thoughtful responses during difficult or tense moments in the session, children are more likely to internalize that behavior and apply it to their own lives. Parents and caregivers can model healthy ways of dealing with anger at home. It’s vital for children to see that managing anger is a skill that adults also practice, whether it’s through deep breathing, taking a time-out, or using words to express frustration.
Teach Emotional Regulation Strategies: One of the most effective ways to help children manage anger is by teaching them healthy coping skills they can use to self-soothe. These can range from simple physical strategies to cognitive exercises that allow the child to calm down before acting on their anger. Some possible techniques include:
Deep Breathing: Teaching children to take deep, slow breaths helps activate the body’s relaxation response and signals to the brain that it’s time to calm down. Simple breathing techniques, like “smell the flowers and blow out the candles,” make it easy for younger children to grasp.
Counting to 10: A tried-and-true technique, counting to 10 can help children pause before reacting impulsively. The delay allows them time to think before responding to their anger.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: This involves tightening and releasing different muscle groups in the body, which helps release the physical tension that comes with anger.
Visualization: Guided imagery, such as imagining themselves in a peaceful place or visualizing a "calm-down" character, can help children regain emotional control.
Help Children Identify Triggers: A key component of anger management is helping children recognize what triggers their anger. Are they angry because they feel unheard? Are they frustrated when they don’t get what they want? Understanding the source of their anger can give children more control over their responses. Once they recognize their triggers, they can explore different ways of responding to those situations. For example, if a child gets angry when they don’t win a game, can consider different ways to handle losing, like congratulating others or taking a break. If they feel frustrated in school, they can discuss ways to ask for help or communicate their feelings to a teacher.
Reinforce Positive Coping Strategies: Praise and positive reinforcement are powerful tools when teaching children to manage anger. When they use healthy coping strategies, it’s important to acknowledge and praise their efforts. By reinforcing these positive behaviors, children feel encouraged to continue using them in the future. Positive reinforcement doesn’t have to be just verbal praise; it can also include small rewards or special privileges for successfully managing anger in challenging situations.
Managing anger is a crucial skill that children need to develop, and our role is to help them build that skill with patience, understanding, and practical strategies. By teaching children how to identify, express, and manage their anger, we set them on the path to emotional resilience and healthier relationships. With the right tools and support, children can learn to navigate their anger and use it as a signal for growth and change rather than a force that controls them. Through continued practice and reinforcement, we can empower children to take charge of their emotions and create a sense of calm and control in their lives.
Written By,
Tierney Puig, LPC
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