Has your bed been taken over by your children? Between the cramped space, feet in your face, and snoring it can be hard to get a good night's sleep when your bed is being invaded by little ones. Kids may want to sleep in their parent’s bed for a variety of different reasons. For some children it can be the anxiety of what could happen in the middle of the night that brings them to your room while other children may just be curious about what you are doing. It's only human nature to want to comfort your child and let them sleep in your bed so you can just get a few hours of sleep. However, this could encourage certain unwanted behaviors and habits. It's time for you to take back your bed and work with your kids to get them to sleep in their own rooms.
Every household is different when it comes to their bedtime routines and sleeping arrangements. However, if you want your bed back, there are some benefits to having your child sleep in their own space. Allowing your child to sleep in your bed can potentially enable a fear of sleeping alone. Allowing your child to work through sleep issues in their own sleep space can help instill confidence and allow your child to develop coping skills that can be helpful in their daily life. When children sleep in their own beds they are less likely to experience sleep disturbance as they are more likely to have healthy sleep hygiene, independence, and resilience. Unfortunately, getting your child excited about sleeping in their own bed, and staying there for the night, can be difficult.
Below are some tips and tricks for how you can reclaim your bed:
Make a plan and stick with it: During the day, talk to your child and let them know that they are not allowed to sleep in your bed. Talking to them during the day not only gives them time to prepare and process the plan, but it also gives you time to work through their emotions while you both are not half asleep.
Rewards: Rewarding positive behavior is a great way to encourage the behaviors that you want. One example of a reward system can look like a sticker chart. Set a goal for your child, and if they achieve the goal they can get a sticker for the day. Keep your expectations low at first. For example, encourage them to stay in their own room for the first hour. This will slowly build up their confidence and encourage them to continue making progress until they eventually sleep in their own beds for the night.
Bedtime routine: Creating a bedtime routine is important for helping a child transition into the right state of mind before bed. When they start the bedtime routine, it tells their body that it's time to start winding down to go to sleep. Try to find a few relaxing activities to do before bed. You could take a warm bath, brush your teeth, read a story, or anything else that can help put your child in the right state of mind. Soon, your child’s mind and body will subconsciously begin preparing for sleep once the routine starts.
Try to make them as uncomfortable in your room as possible: If they insist on being in your room, tell them that they have to sleep on the floor. They get one pillow and one blanket. No stuffed animals or any other comfort items. Eventually, some kids will be too uncomfortable and decide that their bed is the better place to sleep. In addition, you can make their bed as comfortable as possible which may encourage them to sleep in their own room.
Help them problem solve: Talk to your child and see what is motivating them to come to your bed. Do they want to spend time with you? Carve out a designated time each day where you can spend quality time. Are they afraid of the dark? Help them pick out a night light. Listening to your child's needs and helping them solve problems can help validate their feelings and boost their confidence.
Increase their self-soothing skills: Sometimes children are really tired, but their minds are still running wild. Teaching your child how to self-soothe can prevent them from coming to you for it.
Two things are true: Acknowledging that two things can be true can validate the child's experience while still setting limits. One example of this method may look like “I know you are not tired, but it is time for bed. I will see you in the morning.”
Walk them back: As soon as your child enters your room, grab their hand and bring them back to bed. Then return to your own bed. You may have to do this a few hundred times, but eventually they will realize that they need to be in their own bed. Try to be as neutral as possible when you walk them back to bed. Any positive or negative attention can encourage them to continue coming to your room. It may take them a while, but they will realize that coming into their parent’s room will only result in being walked back to bed as opposed to a slumber party.
The bedtime pass: Give your child one “pass” a night to get out of their bed. They can use this pass for anything such as getting a drink of water, coming to tell you that they love you, etc. Once they use their pass for the night, they need to go back to their bed, and they should not get out of bed until morning. This gives the child peace of mind knowing they can get out of bed if needed.
The phase out method: This can be done in one of two ways. If the child insists on sleeping in your room, allow them to do so. But they must sleep on the floor. Each night, try to position the child further away from your bed until they are eventually sleeping by your door. Continue to move them closer and closer to their own rooms, even if that means sleeping in the hallway. Eventually, you will start having your child sleep in their own room again. Another way that you can do the phase out method is by starting in their room. Put your child in their bed and then sleep next to them on the floor. You can then start to decrease their presence in their room by waiting in their room at night until they fall asleep. Eventually, you should be able to stand in the doorway until your child starts to feel sleepy and then you can leave. Make your presence as boring as possible, even negative attention can encourage them to repeat a behavior. Don't engage with them when they should be sleeping. The phase out method allows the child the opportunity to build up confidence to sleep on their own.
When it comes to reclaiming your bed, consistency is key. Eventually the new rules will stick, and your child will stay in their bed. Provide them with reassurance that if they need something they can always call out for you, but if they are okay they need to go back to bed.
At Cutting Edge Counseling of the North Shore, we're proud to offer our services to clients in Northbrook and the surrounding communities, including Glenview, Deerfield, Highland Park, Wheeling, Northfield, Glencoe, Winnetka, Buffalo Grove, Riverwoods, Lincolnshire, Prospect Heights, Vernon Hills, Mount Prospect, Arlington Heights, and Des Plaines. Our commitment is to provide personalized and effective therapy to help you achieve your goals.
Written By,
Tierney Puig, LPC
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