The Power of Flexible Thinking

Ally Bremer
Aug 1
4 min read

Rigid thinking is the tendency to see things in black and white, with little room for flexibility, nuance, or change. It's like trying to solve every problem with the same tool, even when it clearly doesn't fit. While it can provide a sense of control or certainty, rigid thinking often blocks creativity, growth, and meaningful connection with others. Rigid thinking creates a kind of mental tunnel vision that limits how we experience the world and respond to challenges. It’s not always obvious at first. Often, it shows up as frustration or an intense need for control. Over time, though, these mental habits keep people stuck, and the antidote is what we call flexible thinking. Flexible thinking isn’t about being indecisive or agreeable for the sake of harmony. It’s about developing the mental agility to shift perspectives, adapt to change, and tolerate uncertainty. Rigid thinking, sometimes called cognitive inflexibility, refers to an inability (or difficulty) in adapting your thoughts and beliefs when presented with new information or changing circumstances. It often includes:

All-or-nothing thinking: “If I don’t do this perfectly, I’ve failed.”
Overgeneralization: “This one bad date proves I’m unlovable.”
Should statements: “People should always be polite, if they’re not, they’re awful.”
Catastrophizing: “If I make one mistake at work, I’ll get fired.”
Labeling: “I’m lazy.” “She’s a narcissist.” “They’re useless.”

These patterns can be self-protective in the short term because they can simplify decisions, reduce ambiguity, and provide a sense of control. But they come at a cost. Rigid thinking often leaves people feeling boxed in, anxious, and hopeless. It narrows possibilities rather than expanding them. Flexible thinking, on the other hand, is the ability to consider multiple perspectives, entertain uncertainty, and adjust beliefs or responses when new information becomes available. It doesn't come naturally to everyone, especially not in times of stress,but it can be learned. Some characteristics of flexible thinking include:

Context sensitivity: Recognizing that what’s helpful in one situation might not be in another.
Emotional tolerance: Allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable emotions without immediately reacting or shutting down.
Cognitive openness: Being willing to question your assumptions and consider other viewpoints.
Adaptability: Changing your approach when the one you're using isn’t working.

Here’s an example. A client I’ll call Rachel came in struggling with anxiety at work. She would often think, “If I don’t speak up perfectly in meetings, I’ll look incompetent.” This belief made her overprepare and still avoid contributing. When I asked her to explore alternative explanations, such as the possibility that her colleagues might value her contributions even if they weren’t flawless, she was initially skeptical. But over time, Rachel learned to loosen her grip on this belief. She began experimenting with speaking up more, and discovered that her coworkers didn’t expect perfection, they appreciated her ideas, even when she was nervous. That’s flexible thinking in action. Flexible thinking is associated with greater psychological resilience, improved problem-solving, and healthier relationships.

Here’s why:

1. Emotional Regulation: Rigid thinking often leads to emotional extremes, feeling like everything is either a total success or an utter failure. Flexible thinking allows for nuance: “That presentation didn’t go perfectly, but it was a solid effort. I can improve next time.”

2. Relationship Health: In personal relationships, rigid expectations can lead to conflict. Flexible thinking enables curiosity over judgment. Instead of “They never listen to me,” we might ask, “Is there a reason they seemed distracted today?”

3. Growth and Learning: Flexibility allows us to integrate feedback, learn from mistakes, and take risks. A rigid thinker may avoid challenges for fear of failure; a flexible thinker can tolerate the discomfort of growth.

So how do we move from rigid to flexible thinking? It’s not about forcing optimism or denying reality. It’s about gradually increasing your capacity to see beyond your initial thoughts.Here are a few strategies:

1. Name the Thought Pattern - Start by identifying rigid thinking styles when they arise. Are you catastrophizing? Using “should” statements? Once you name it, you create distance between yourself and the thought.

2. Ask Alternative Questions- Instead of, “What’s wrong with me?” try, “What else could be true here?” or “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” These questions shift your brain from threat mode to problem-solving mode.

3. Practice “Both/And” Thinking- Life is rarely either/or. You can be confident and nervous. You can disagree with someone and still care about them. Practicing this duality trains your brain to hold complexity.

4. Pause Before Reacting- When rigid thinking drives behavior, we tend to react impulsively. Learning to pause, especially during emotionally charged moments, creates space for more intentional responses.

5. Use Mindfulness- Mindfulness helps us stay in the present, where flexible thinking thrives. It allows us to notice thoughts without judgment and to respond rather than react.

Flexible thinking isn’t a personality trait, it’s a skill. And like any skill, it improves with practice. Often, it starts with one small moment of curiosity: What if there’s another way to see this? Over time, those small shifts can change how we relate to ourselves, to others, and to the challenges life inevitably throws our way. If you notice yourself stuck in rigid patterns, that’s not a failure, it’s a signal. A signal that your mind is trying to keep you safe, even if it's doing so in a way that no longer serves you. With patience and support, you can retrain those mental habits, and build a more flexible, resilient inner world.