7 Ways to Reconnect Through Conversations With Your Partner

Ally Bremer
Nov 18
4 min read

Every couple has phases where conversations fall flat or you feel like you’re sitting in an awkward silence and you don’t know what to talk about. Maybe it’s because you’ve both been busy or tired or just caught up in the routines of everyday life. You still care about each other deeply, that’s not in question, but maybe the spark of connection and the easy flow of talking about everything and nothing seems harder to find these days. Know that you are not alone and that it is not a bad thing. But when silence starts to feel a bit more awkward instead of comfortable, it can leave both people in the relationship wondering, “what happened to us?”

Again, running out of things to talk about doesn’t inherently mean something’s wrong. Sometimes it’s just a sign that you’ve fallen into habits that leave less room for curiosity or more depth within conversations. The good news about this is that communication and connection can always be rebuilt and strengthened. It starts with asking one another different questions and opening the door for new kinds of conversations. Here are seven topics and areas that can help open things up again when you both are feeling stuck.

1. Shared Memories → An easy way to start conversations is going back to where your relationship began or just to memories you share together. Ask each other what stands out most from the earlier days of your relationship, whether it be your first date, a favorite trip, or a time you both laughed so hard you cried. Nostalgia helps strengthen those emotional bonds and reminds you that you share more than just the daily logistics that might be at the forefront of your lives now.

2. Current Feelings and Stressors → It’s easier to talk about schedules rather than talking about how you actually feel sometimes. Something to ask one another is, “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “What’s something that’s been stressing you out this week?” This helps open space for more emotional vulnerability and honesty, and lets you support each other beyond surface-level updates.

3. Dreams and Goals → Ask each other what you’re looking forward to, individually, as a couple, and as a family if applicable. Maybe one of you wants to start a new hobby, travel somewhere new, or make a change at work. These kinds of conversations are important and help to create hope and goals to work towards for the future you’re building together.

4. Gratitude and Appreciation → It’s easy to get lost in the stress and negativity of everyday life. Take time to share what you’ve noticed or appreciated about your partner recently. It can be something big or small, maybe how they made you coffee before work, how they handled a difficult situation with the kids, or how they just made you laugh. Appreciation can be fuel for connection. It helps to remind both of you that you are seen and valued by your partner, even when we think it’s obvious to the other.

5. Everyday Curiosity → You’d be surprised that even after years together, there’s always more to learn about each other. At some point in the relationship, it can get easy to stop asking each other certain things because maybe you feel like you already know the answer. But it’s important to ask questions like, “What’s something new you’ve been thinking about lately?” or “If you could picture your perfect day, what would that look like?” These kinds of questions allow for you to talk about those little, innocuous things together rather than just focusing on responsibilities and tasks you have to do.

6. Humor and Play → Laughter can help reset the tone of a relationship faster than most serious conversations. Focus on sharing funny stories, inside jokes, or even silly hypotheticals with each other. Playful, lighthearted conversations help you reconnect emotionally and remind you that joy and stress can exist at the same time.

7. Connection Check-Ins → Every now and then, ask questions that help you understand how your partner feels most loved. Asking things like, “Is there anything more I can be doing that would make you feel more supported right now?” or “What has made you feel close to me recently?” are great opportunities to further that connection and intimacy, as well as ensure you’re both giving each other love in the way each of you need.

There’s also an app called “Gottman Card Decks” that I recommend to almost all my couples, that has a whole bunch of categories of conversations to choose from. Some of them are about Love Maps, some of them are focused on Rituals of Connection, or some even focus on more intimate questions to help that physical connection as well. Something to check out and try, along with what’s been mentioned above.

When conversation gets stagnant, remember that the goal isn’t necessarily to fill every silence, but more to find your way back to being curious about one another. Sometimes all it takes is one question, one shared memory, or one honest check-in to shift that energy between you two. Communication does not have to be deep all the time, it just has to be genuine. The next time you find yourself sitting next to each other, unsure what to say, take a breath and try one of these. You might be surprised at how those conversations go.