Falling in Love Too Fast: Is It Love or Lust?

Ally Bremer
2 days ago
4 min read

There’s a certain rush that comes when you meet someone new. It’s the excitement, the butterflies, and the way your mind keeps circling back to them no matter what you’re doing. It can feel intoxicating, almost as if you’re tumbling headfirst into love after just a few months of knowing each other or even a handful of dates. But that feeling can also bring up questions, like “Am I really in love, or am I just caught up in the moment? How do I truly know the difference?”

Feeling like you’re falling in love quickly is not unusual. New connections can light up the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and oxytocin, which are also the chemicals that make us feel pleasure and bonding. Add in physical attraction, shared laughter, and intimate, deep conversations, and it’s no wonder that connection feels powerful. Sometimes, the excitement of possibility itself makes the connection feel larger than life.

Let’s look at what lust looks like versus what love looks like, as that can be helpful to start recognizing the difference.

Lust is often fueled by physical attraction and sometimes even fantasy. It’s passionate, thrilling, and more focused on desire. A few signs you may be experiencing lust more than love may include:

- You think about the person more primarily in physical terms.

- The relationship feels like a whirlwind but lacks deeper conversations about values, life goals, stressors, etc.

- Your feelings fluctuate depending on the intensity of your encounters.

- You don’t know too much about their day-to-day life or how they handle stress, conflict, or responsibility.

Lust is not a bad thing, and it can be an important part of attraction. But on its own, it often fades if it isn’t paired with a deeper emotional connection.

Love, on the other hand, grows roots over time. It’s not just about the excitement of it all, but also about care, respect, and the willingness to show up for each other. A few signs your feelings may be moving more into love may be:

- You want to know who they are beyond the surface, like their values, dreams, challenges, etc.

- You’re interested in how they treat others, not just how they treat you.

- You feel comfortable being yourself, even in less-than-glamorous situations.

- There’s a sense of emotional safety and mutual support, not just passion.

- You can imagine building a future together rather than just enjoying the present moments.

Love does not always arrive with fireworks. Sometimes, it starts quietly and grows steadily as two people show up consistently for one another. If you find yourself swept away in strong feelings, give yourself permission to slow the pace. Spend time together in different contexts, including around friends, during stressful moments, or when things don’t always go as planned. Notice how they treat you when the spark isn’t necessarily front and center.

Reflection can be helpful as well. Here are some examples of questions to ask yourself that can help you understand more of what you’re truly feeling.

- Am I more drawn to the fantasy of who I want them to be, or the reality of who they really are?

- Do I feel seen or understood, or mostly desired and wanted?

- Would I still value this connection if the physical side weren’t as strong?

- Do I feel safe enough to share my fears, insecurities, and/or less-polished sides with them?

- Do I like the version of myself that shows up when I’m around them?

These kinds of questions invite a pause, helping you separate excitement from deeper compatibility. Taking your time also doesn’t necessarily mean that excitement has to diminish, but it can actually give love the chance to reveal itself, rather than being mistaken for lust.

Whether your feelings turn out to be love, lust, or something in between, it’s important to remember that every connection holds meaning. Sometimes the people we meet show us new sides of ourselves, remind us what we long for, or help us see what we’re not willing to compromise on. Lust can help ignite passion, while love invites more depth and growth, and both play valuable roles in our journey.

Instead of judging yourself for “falling too fast,” try to hold your feelings with curiosity and compassion. The excitement you feel is proof of your openness to connection, your hopefulness, and your desire to love and be loved. By giving yourself time to observe how the relationship unfolds, you honor both your emotions and your well-being.

In the end, love is less about speed and more about substance. Real and honest love reveals itself not just in moments of intensity, but in the quieter rhythms of care, patience, and trust. It’s not about how fast you fall but rather how deeply you build within that relationship. No matter what this connection becomes, allow it to teach you and help remind you of your own capacity for love.