What It Really Means to Hold Space and How to Sit With Your Feelings

Ally Bremer
Jun 29
4 min read

In a world that moves fast, the idea of slowing down to “sit with your feelings” can feel foreign and even uncomfortable. We’re often told that it’s important to “stay positive” or “move on,” but those phrases tend to skip over an essential step in that process which is the need to feel. Holding space and sitting with your emotions isn’t about fixing, avoiding, or judging them. It’s about making room for your internal experiences with honesty and care, and it’s the act of acknowledging your truth, even when it’s painful, uncertain, or messy. But sometimes people wonder what that can actually look like in daily life.

Holding space is a practice of presence, either for yourself or someone else. When you hold space for another person, you’re offering them nonjudgemental support. You’re not rushing them, giving them advice, or trying to control their response. You’re simply allowing them to be, to feel, and to express themselves how and when they are ready. When it comes to holding space for yourself, it’s about creating emotional permission. It means accepting what you’re feeling in the moment, whether that be grief, anger, fear, shame, or even joy, and not suppressing it or analyzing it away. It’s giving yourself the freedom to feel without apologizing for it.

Sitting with your feelings is not about wallowing or self-pitying. It’s more about becoming curious and compassionate toward your inner experience instead of reacting to it automatically. When you sit with your feelings, you notice them in your body. You observe your thoughts without spiraling into them. You allow yourself to sit in the discomfort rather than running from it. Eventually, that presence allows the emotion to soften, move, or even inform you of something important.

These are important tools and strategies to know and learn because emotions are sometimes described as “messengers.” When we ignore them, distract ourselves completely, or push them away, we miss the chance to understand what our inner world and body are trying to say. Maybe your anxiety is signaling a boundary that is being crossed. Maybe your sadness is a reflection of deep love or loss. Sitting with your feelings gives you clarity, resilience, and a deeper sense of self-awareness. Avoidance may seem good in the moment and offer temporary relief, but presence offers long-term healing and understanding.

Let’s talk through some tools to help you sit with your feelings, because as I’m sure you’ve guessed, that doesn’t necessarily just mean physically just sitting down and feeling.

Name what you’re feeling → Use simple language, like “I feel sad,” “I’m scared,” or “I feel lonely.” Naming an emotion can help to reduce its intensity. It helps the brain process the experience rather than staying trapped in it. If you’re unsure what you’re feeling, it can be helpful to use a feelings wheel to explore that.
Use your body as a guide → Check in with yourself and your physical body. Where do you feel tension? What sensations show up? Emotions often live in the body before they make sense in the mind, so let yourself breathe into those moments without trying to necessarily change what you’re feeling.
Create a “toolkit” → This could include a quiet, safe space, a journal, a warm bath, a favorite playlist, etc.. When you have tools and places you can turn to when feeling like this, it can sometimes make it easier to be emotionally honest with yourself.
Let go of the need to fix it → The goal isn’t to “get over it” or solve whatever you are feeling. The goal is to acknowledge it and make room for it to move through you, rather than letting it sit and fester. Imagine the emotion as a guest you are allowing into the room, not as someone who gets to take over, but someone you’re willing to listen to.
Try utilizing grounding techniques → If the emotion feels too big, using grounding tools can help you stay present. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method (that’s where you use your five senses to name things you can see, hear, touch, etc.), hold a warm cup of coffee/tea/water, run your wrists under cold water, or place your feet flat on the floor and take some deep, intentional breaths. These and other strategies are gentle practices that help signal to your nervous system that you are okay.
Give yourself a time frame (if needed) → If you’re afraid of being overwhelmed or being stuck in this process for too long, sometimes setting a timer can help. Telling yourself you’re going to give yourself 10-15 minutes to sit with this can sometimes help make it seem more manageable knowing there’s an endpoint.
Seek support when needed → Holding space doesn’t always mean that you need to do that alone. Sometimes sitting with your feelings is something that may be helpful to do in the presence of a trusted friend, loved one, or therapist. Let someone hold space for you, especially when it feels too hard to do it yourself.

Holding space and sitting with your feelings is not always comfortable, but it can be deeply impactful and healing. It’s something that takes a lot of strength and even courage to do, to make peace with your inner self and world rather than run from it. Over time, this practice will get easier and will help to strengthen your emotional awareness and deepen your connection not only with yourself but also others. You may not always find the answers you’re looking for right away, but you will most likely find clarity, self-compassion, and the power to know that you are strong enough to feel what you need to feel.